Match report: Arse-n-All 10-0 VUW Women's Football

It may have been mooted as a top of the table clash, but Arse-n-all walked away with a decisive win over VUW Women’s Football.

Arse-n-All proved to be queens of the direct approach, with long ball after long ball being scooped up by an onrushing attack in a method to which VUW had no counter. But even when the contest felt more even, no luck fell Victoria’s way. They had an open net missed from a few meters away and would be denied by the woodwork in an abject capitulation.


The goals:

Sophia Cormack (Arse-n-All, 12th minute) A great through ball to a pair of Arse-n-all attackers saw good interplay result in a rounding of the keeper for a Cormack tap in. This type of goal would be a recurring theme throughout the match.

Ashleigh McHutcheon (Arse-n-All, 17th minute) A giveaway from the defence saw McHutcheon left with the time and space needed to send a shot soaring home. 

Ashleigh McHutcheon (Arse-n-All, 21st minute) Another spectacular pass through the lines left McHutcheon with only the keeper to beat, who she promptly rounded. 

Ashleigh McHutcheon. (Arse-n-All, 34th minute) Long ball. McHutcheon. Defence out of position. Goal and hat-trick. 

Sophia Cormack (Arse-n-All, 37th minute) with what can only be descried as a carbon copy of the previous goals. 

Tayla Bradan (Arse-n-All, 48th minute) Bradan was on the edge of the area and decided to unleash. With how crowded the box was, it’s a testament to her skill that the ball somehow snuck into the net. 

Sophia Cormack (Arse-n-All, 52nd minute) More of the same. Long ball behind the defence and a tidy finish from Cormack to seal the deal.

Own goal (Arse-n-All, 57th minute) Following an Arse-n-All corner, the in-box scramble for the ball ensued. While a VUW player came on top, her header was unfortunately misguided. 

Ashleigh McHutcheon (Arse-n-All, 69th minute) VUW keeper Liv Ford was in possession, but a loss of control and a giveaway allowed McHutcheon to pounce. Ford’s loss was the gain of the whole team as McHutcheon had an easy pass into the goal. 

Own goal (Arse-n-All, 75th minute) A wayward deflection during an Arse-n-all attack turned the scoreline into double digits. 


The pivotal moment:

Ok, maybe this wasn’t pivotal - obviously the end result was barely in doubt - but Victoria did spurn an opportunity to prevent a clean sheet. Right on the hour mark, Aleisha White found a pass which left the keeper out of position and had just mere meters between her and the scoresheet. All it required was a tap in. All it got was skied. 


The stars:

Arse-n-All: Ashleigh McHutcheon. Was there any doubt about this one? It was a pretty good team effort all round from the Arse-n-all, but you don’t get four goals without your name headlining the stars section. 

VUW: Aleisha White: While her pivotal miss may have caused ignominy, it’s worth noting throughout the match White was the player for Vic doing best upfront. Her energy and good passing made her a nuisance to deal with upfront, and when the team loses 10-0 one miss doesn’t squander a player’s all-round performance. 


The bad gals: N/A


The meaning:

With a whopping +27 goal difference compared to second place Team Dwallopers +7 and three points between them, Arse-n-all has secured first for the moment. VUW meanwhile slip from second to fourth and into the bottom half of the six-team competition. 


The future:

Next Sunday sees Alex Moore hosts Arse-n-all vs Miramar Women at 11 am, whereas Boyd Wilson welcomes VUW and The Dwallopers at 11:30.


The rest:

The Boo Bee’s 0-12 Miramar Women

CUNNING STUNTS 0-2 Team Dwallopers